You've noticed that everyone thinks differently about money. How do the people in your life spend their money? This is a very important question. If you live with someone—a spouse/significant other, a relative, or a roommate—he or she to a certain degree is your financial partner and can help or hurt you financially.
Who is your financial partner?
If you are married, your spouse is your key financial partner. A divorce would dissolve your legally binding partnership. Even if you don't handle any of your spouse's money, you may still be responsible by law for every financial decision that your partner makes.
How well do you know your spouse/significant other? How well does that person handle his or her money? Does that person desire financial independence like you do? If not, you could be headed for serious, long-term problems both in your finances and in your relationship.
Who is the "spender" and who is the "saver" in your relationship?
Look closely at how your spouse/significant other handles his or her own money, as well as the money you share together. Both of you may say that you want to save money, but one of you may resent the other's desire to spend.
In a relationship, there can be two basic attitudes toward money—the attitude of the spender and the attitude of the saver. The saver desires financial security for both of you. The spender wants a comfortable and pleasurable life for both of you. Which one are you? Which one is your spouse/significant other? Are you working against each other or together?
Don't be afraid to talk about it
Plan a specific time to sit down together and discuss your money situation and your feelings about money. Decide with each other in a non-argumentative way about whether you each are spenders or savers. Explore about why you are either a spender or a saver. Was your desire to save or spend a part of your upbringing? Does your desire to save or spend mean that you care about your partner?
Acknowledge that each of you is trying to take care of each other in your own way. Since you have formed a financial partnership together, you need to agree on your financial goals and how you can work together to achieve them. An honest, peaceful conversation will help you understand each other better and help you join together to handle your joint finances effectively.
Don't let money conflicts ruin your relationships
Studies have shown that one of the greatest causes of divorce is financial stress. Money is one of the most common things for couples to argue about. It's not surprising that disagreements over money cause more than 50% of divorces today.
Find common ground, compromise, and meet each other in the middle. There is no question that being responsible and successful with financial matters leads to better and more meaningful relationships. Healthy relationships have enough mutual respect and commitment to adjust to each other's needs and concerns. Talk it out peacefully and thoughtfully. This will help lower some of the emotional walls that have built up between you both.
Heidi Clingen is a long-time resident of Stevenson Ranch. She and Samuel K. Freshman are authors of The Smartest Way™ to Save, Why You Can’t Hang on to Money and What to Do About It. They offer only their opinion, which does not constitute professional, financial, or legal advice. To receive a copy of The Principles of Financial Independence or submit questions, email them at Heidi@TheSmartestWay.com
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